Fathers and Finance

Our society really under estimates the powerful and important role of a father. Work used to just be called life. We worked to grow our own crops and build our own houeses. Famlies spent time together working and learning important life lessons at home. There wasn't really a reason for parents to go to work or children to go to school.

Communication & Mutual Problem Solving

Everything we do ommunicates something. i never really thought about that before. Did you know that the words we say really only count for about 10% of the message we send? The tone we use and our body laguage really make up the majority of it. No wonder it gets hard and confussing sometimes to talk to people through texting. you are missing a huge part of the message.

The Family Under Stress

There are many crisises a family can experience. The important thing is how they handle it and get through it together.
Coping-how to deal with something, getting by
Make little adjustments so it fits perfectly under pressure.

Ways People Cope
Denial- Deny that the problem exists.
Avoidance- They stay away and ignore the problem.
Scapegoating- Putting the blame for the problem on someone else.

Sometimes the scapegoat can bring the family together.

Crisises Families go Through
Substance Abuse
Addiction- a relationship with a substance, object, activity even a person used to distract or interfer being able to respond.

Stress vs Distress
Stress- pressure and
Distress- internal emotional responses

Two Tools to Respond
Mindfulness- awareness that arises from thinking about a problem on purpose in the moment how they are with no judgement.

Stimulus and how you respond,

Chloe Madones
Spirit is wounded
Everyone is including the perpatraitor.
Evil is always stupid (people try to make sense out of nonsense)
On his knees & apologize
# Min / # Life
BOUNDARIES

Miracle of Forgiveness

Forgive Yourself!

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

Sexual is a very important part of a healthy marriage. I am going to be talking about as something that proceeds marriage, not before. There is a saying men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. Men become more excited more quickly. Male plumming is on the outside and female is on the inside. Boys are more aware of sexual anatomy than girls. You should marry someone because you love them not because you find them attractive and want to be physical. Something that feels good now might now feel good later. Also what doesn't feel good could feel good another time. You need to be gentle and patient with each other. Women tend to want to feel secure and loved before they are intimate and men feel that when they have sex then they will feel close to her and love her. You need to communicate with each other and find a balance between the two. Each person needs to feel loved and appreciated. The brain is the most important sex organ. There are three chemicals released when you make love to someone; seratonon, dopamine, and oxytocin. Seratonon is the "aha feel good. Dopamine is the Yeah. Oxytocin is the one that connects or bonds you together. A lot of the time we have been told no, no, no, go. That sometimes makes us a little more hesitant to have physcal intimacy once we are married. It is a relationship, you need to talk about it and work together.

Four Anticipated Problems:
1. It doesn't come "naturally"
2. May consider bad or wrong
3. May be hard to talk about or explain
4. Potential misunderstanding

Five Important Things to Remember:
1. Sex requires great selflessness.
2. Can "know" well beyond yourself
3. Exclusive connections
4. Seek inspiration
5. Feel deep compassion

Transitions in Marriage

Change is never easy for anyone. But believe it or not, there are a lot of adjustments that have to be madein marriage. So ready or not, here they come. It is so important to think about these possible problems before you are married. If you do, you will better prepared and more equiped to handle the situations together. I knew that there was going to be a transition period and adjudments would have to be made, but I didn't realize how many. You can't just lay back and enjoy life and expect that nothing is going to change when you are married.

Preparing for Marriage

Are you planning a wedding, or building a marriage? You may want to ask yourself this question if you are engaged or are going to be soon. It is so important to not just plan a huge party to celebrate the couple, but also build a foundation for your life together.

Gender and Family Life

Why would God create us with these differences?
If we had and it would conflict, but with the differences we can work together.
Mediocure-> Beautiful.

Culture and Class

There are unspoken classes in society. It is based on what we do for a living and the weather around us. It also includes schooling, and education systems.  A lot of it is based on the culture you grew up in. People tend to think of it as just upper and lower class, but there is more to it than that. Something that I thought was interesting that our Professor Brother Williams, Marriage and Family Therapist and adjunct faculty of BYU-Idaho said, People usually tend to have one less child than they grew up with." Once he said that I immediately started thinking about how many children I wanted compared to how many children were in my family, and it was true. I was from a family of three, two brothers and me. I want to have two children, one of each. I couldn't believe it, it was totally true for me. Family comes from familial. Family is familiar, that is why we do the same things, because we see it and think that is what we need to do. It takes about 3-4 generations for a significant event to wash out. "Borrow from the best and learn from the rest". I think that is great advice. There is no sense in holding on to the past that will prevent you from moving forward. You need to recognize it and continue on. Genealogy helps us to understand our families and their decisions/actions. Choices determine class. We judge others by their choices. One thing that was very interesting to me is how both the upper and lower class have similar problems. They both are focused on money, have limited time and worries about education and attention. The upper class is working a lot and trying to earn money, same as the lower class because they don't have enough. The lower class doesn't have money or resources for education, and the upper class puts a lot of stress on getting into the best school or having a high education. The upper class is working so they don't spend time with their children, and the lower class is always working because they need to earn money to survive so they can't spend time with their children. If you really take a step back and really look at it, we have similar problems. We just don't think about it or see it, because we are focused on our status in society. We are missing the point of family! People's expectations, what they're seen. Does how much money we have really matter? Will it effect how our family dynamic will be? What about culture? Make a conscious decision to change. It all comes back to the home! People are focused on time and money. "You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need cannot satisfy you." You need to look at your time availability and your child's needs! Negative attention to feel good doesn't meet needs. Recognize and respond to needs. How will you create your own family class? Really think about that, I know that I have. I don't want to keep making the same mistakes that my family has in the past. I want to learn from them and grow and do more.

Family Dynamics

There are four theories about the family:
Family Systems Theory- looks at all the whole family instead of just the individual. There are subsystems inside the system. We need every part, if one is missing it won't work. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. It makes up and shapes them. Everyone plays a role in the family. All families are driven by roles.
Exchange Theory- If I give you something, you give me something. Its like if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Cost and rewards are equal or better in return. It's a give and take relationship. Frustration can arise if you are expecting something and it doesn't happen. Like if you do your roommates dishes and they don't say anything when they get home. It can happen consciously or subconsciously. Humans just think that way. It is part of every relationship, it's what drives it.
Conflict Theory- Upper and lower sometimes higher conflict. There is a gender conflict. Men are better than Women. Always in some kind of conflict. It's built into life. More power. Personality has a lot to do with it. Find the root of the problem! Love the person and want the best.
Symbolic Interaction Theory- The whole is larger than the sum of the parts. Interactions perception! All behavior communicates something. There is communication, miscommunicating or misunderstood.

This commercial for a car illustrates the family systems theory really well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ve4M4UsJQo

It is important for a family to work together and know their roles. Each member is important and has something to contribute. If any one is missing, it can't function properly. It is cheaper to pay for a babysitter than it is for a divorce. Talk about things and don't let it fester. It will be better in the long run. Everyone in the family is effected if someone isn't ok. The more aware you are, the more intentional you can be. There are positive and negative feedback loops. We communicate with each other and go back and forth. It is important to band together for a common cause.

Bring mom and dad physically closer together, and have a conversation. You can have a sense of peace knowing that we can do it together. Mom and dad should always sit by each other. You need to focus on each other, not just the children all the time. Let your children see you hold hands and kiss. I have made those a goal for myself. I also will not separate from my husband unless it is a really bad situation. I don't want my children to go what I had to go through. I know what divorce feels like. I know what it does to a family, and the children. As long as you try and can do it you should be together. Change schooling, major, anything necessary to make it happen. Check in on things, make big decisions together. Connect, talk, share and remarkable to make it work.

Trends in Society and the Family

This week my eyes were really opened. There are many growing trends in society. Some of them are premarital sex, births out of wedlock, living alone, cohabitation, delayed marriage, birth rates, household size, employed mothers, and divorce. These can be short term or long term, but have a lasting impact. It important to beware of them and the effects they can have on the society and families in general. A lot of them can connected to each other. There is a pretty obvious correlation between them. People can intentionally or unintentionally cause things to happen. I think that one of the biggest problems is the low fertility rates. Women are simply just not having as many children today. There are many reasons for that. Society is telling them it's not cool. Girls are living with their boyfriends before they get married. This usually leads to delaying marriage. People either don't have children or have less children when they live together before marriage. A lot people are getting married later in life. This means that they are older and won't be able to have as many children, even if they want to. Divorce is becoming more and more common. It is so sad to me how many marriages are failing. This leads to more people living alone. All of these lead to having smaller household sizes. Another point is that more mothers are working. They want to have a career and get settled before they have children. This then leads back to getting married later if they get remarried and having less children. In hind sight these might seem like minimal things that don't really matter. It is hard to see the impact these trends are really having on the family with out looking at the whole picture. We watched a video for class called "The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter". I was shocked by the statistics. They talked a lot about the decline in fertility and how that has a huge impact on the decline of families. The overall human population is declining at accelerating rates. It is important to be aware of what is happening. I highly recommend you watch the videos for yourself and then share them with others. Here are the links if you decide to watch: The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter, Part 1 The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter, Part 2 

Marriage and Family

I am very excited to be taking Family Relations this semester. I cannot wait to learn more about families. I feel like we are talking about marriage and family in all of my classes. I don't know why it seems so strange to me. It makes perfect sense. Families are at the center of so many things. I mean think about it. We live with our families and spend most of our time with them. We depend on them for love and support. It is through our families that we came to this earth. Our parents loved each other and gave us life. That bring it back to the beginning. They fell in love and got married. Marriage is so crucial and essential. It forms a foundation for a healthy and happy family.