Communication & Mutual Problem Solving

Everything we do ommunicates something. i never really thought about that before. Did you know that the words we say really only count for about 10% of the message we send? The tone we use and our body laguage really make up the majority of it. No wonder it gets hard and confussing sometimes to talk to people through texting. you are missing a huge part of the message.

The Family Under Stress

There are many crisises a family can experience. The important thing is how they handle it and get through it together.
Coping-how to deal with something, getting by
Make little adjustments so it fits perfectly under pressure.

Ways People Cope
Denial- Deny that the problem exists.
Avoidance- They stay away and ignore the problem.
Scapegoating- Putting the blame for the problem on someone else.

Sometimes the scapegoat can bring the family together.

Crisises Families go Through
Substance Abuse
Addiction- a relationship with a substance, object, activity even a person used to distract or interfer being able to respond.

Stress vs Distress
Stress- pressure and
Distress- internal emotional responses

Two Tools to Respond
Mindfulness- awareness that arises from thinking about a problem on purpose in the moment how they are with no judgement.

Stimulus and how you respond,

Chloe Madones
Spirit is wounded
Everyone is including the perpatraitor.
Evil is always stupid (people try to make sense out of nonsense)
On his knees & apologize
# Min / # Life
BOUNDARIES

Miracle of Forgiveness

Forgive Yourself!

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

Sexual is a very important part of a healthy marriage. I am going to be talking about as something that proceeds marriage, not before. There is a saying men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. Men become more excited more quickly. Male plumming is on the outside and female is on the inside. Boys are more aware of sexual anatomy than girls. You should marry someone because you love them not because you find them attractive and want to be physical. Something that feels good now might now feel good later. Also what doesn't feel good could feel good another time. You need to be gentle and patient with each other. Women tend to want to feel secure and loved before they are intimate and men feel that when they have sex then they will feel close to her and love her. You need to communicate with each other and find a balance between the two. Each person needs to feel loved and appreciated. The brain is the most important sex organ. There are three chemicals released when you make love to someone; seratonon, dopamine, and oxytocin. Seratonon is the "aha feel good. Dopamine is the Yeah. Oxytocin is the one that connects or bonds you together. A lot of the time we have been told no, no, no, go. That sometimes makes us a little more hesitant to have physcal intimacy once we are married. It is a relationship, you need to talk about it and work together.

Four Anticipated Problems:
1. It doesn't come "naturally"
2. May consider bad or wrong
3. May be hard to talk about or explain
4. Potential misunderstanding

Five Important Things to Remember:
1. Sex requires great selflessness.
2. Can "know" well beyond yourself
3. Exclusive connections
4. Seek inspiration
5. Feel deep compassion

Transitions in Marriage

Change is never easy for anyone. But believe it or not, there are a lot of adjustments that have to be madein marriage. So ready or not, here they come. It is so important to think about these possible problems before you are married. If you do, you will better prepared and more equiped to handle the situations together. I knew that there was going to be a transition period and adjudments would have to be made, but I didn't realize how many. You can't just lay back and enjoy life and expect that nothing is going to change when you are married.

Preparing for Marriage

Are you planning a wedding, or building a marriage? You may want to ask yourself this question if you are engaged or are going to be soon. It is so important to not just plan a huge party to celebrate the couple, but also build a foundation for your life together.

Gender and Family Life

Why would God create us with these differences?
If we had and it would conflict, but with the differences we can work together.
Mediocure-> Beautiful.

Culture and Class

There are unspoken classes in society. It is based on what we do for a living and the weather around us. It also includes schooling, and education systems.  A lot of it is based on the culture you grew up in. People tend to think of it as just upper and lower class, but there is more to it than that. Something that I thought was interesting that our Professor Brother Williams, Marriage and Family Therapist and adjunct faculty of BYU-Idaho said, People usually tend to have one less child than they grew up with." Once he said that I immediately started thinking about how many children I wanted compared to how many children were in my family, and it was true. I was from a family of three, two brothers and me. I want to have two children, one of each. I couldn't believe it, it was totally true for me. Family comes from familial. Family is familiar, that is why we do the same things, because we see it and think that is what we need to do. It takes about 3-4 generations for a significant event to wash out. "Borrow from the best and learn from the rest". I think that is great advice. There is no sense in holding on to the past that will prevent you from moving forward. You need to recognize it and continue on. Genealogy helps us to understand our families and their decisions/actions. Choices determine class. We judge others by their choices. One thing that was very interesting to me is how both the upper and lower class have similar problems. They both are focused on money, have limited time and worries about education and attention. The upper class is working a lot and trying to earn money, same as the lower class because they don't have enough. The lower class doesn't have money or resources for education, and the upper class puts a lot of stress on getting into the best school or having a high education. The upper class is working so they don't spend time with their children, and the lower class is always working because they need to earn money to survive so they can't spend time with their children. If you really take a step back and really look at it, we have similar problems. We just don't think about it or see it, because we are focused on our status in society. We are missing the point of family! People's expectations, what they're seen. Does how much money we have really matter? Will it effect how our family dynamic will be? What about culture? Make a conscious decision to change. It all comes back to the home! People are focused on time and money. "You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need cannot satisfy you." You need to look at your time availability and your child's needs! Negative attention to feel good doesn't meet needs. Recognize and respond to needs. How will you create your own family class? Really think about that, I know that I have. I don't want to keep making the same mistakes that my family has in the past. I want to learn from them and grow and do more.